A moment to worry for girls: Arrange Marriage

Weddings in Nepal are momentous occasions which are often planned years in advance of the wedding itself. Traditionally, weddings in Nepal are arranged by the respective families. It is important that arranged marriage and forced marriage in Nepal are not confused.
It is not normal practice for families in Nepal who are arranging marriages to force their offspring to marry someone that they do not wish to marry. The offspring are also consulted and it is important that they consent to the marriage. However the underlying truth is that even the consented marriage are result of deeply rooted social pressure and beliefs that indirectly force young people especially girls to get married at an early age.
A girl just reaches her puberty and people start talking about her marriage. Even growing up as a kid, girls are constantly reminded that they are to be married off someday so they behave in a specific way. This creates a permanent mark in her psyche that she is supposed to leave soon, and it seems people want it to be as soon as possible. The girls in the capital city are afflicted with this social pressure to a shocking extent; we can imagine how grave it is in the rural areas.
Even the educated societies of Nepal still fail to acknowledge the role women play and the contribution they make to their country's development. Religious and social traditions enslave women to be bound into limitations which deprives her from opportunities which could have otherwise led to greater women participation in national developments.
The society may have moved on to educate women allowing them to build a respected career for themselves. Yet they use their educational and professional qualifications as a merit for finding better matches for their daughters. On the surface things look different but the bottom line is still the same; parents and society eagerly wait to get their daughters married off, irrespective of their successful careers.
With most youngsters flying abroad there is this new trend of getting them married before they leave. Some fake marriages have been done for the sake of getting visa. And then there is this ever prevalent fascination of Nepalis to get their daughter married off to guys with a “green card” or jobs abroad.
I witnessed a remarkable decrease in the number of students studying in Bachelors level at a particular college as the year progressed. I previously just saw that students left in middle of session for abroad and the next trend was female students getting married. As I find out, they were promised to be sent to colleges even after marriages but just the household duties and few remarks from society was enough for these girls to chose not to continue their studies anymore. This was tragic.
Women after marriage subside their studies, career and their goals to the duties and responsibilities of a socially idealized role of a wife and daughter in laws. Even if the family she is in is broad minded enough to let her continue with her education the society butts in constantly and that gets to one or the other of the family and disrupts the peaceful coordination.
The Civil code has set legal marriage age for women to sixteen, made polygamy and child marriage illegal, established women's right to divorce and broadened women's capacity to control or inherit property. Although the government has signed a number of laws to assist in improving the lives of women throughout Nepal, the implementation of laws takes time. It requires efforts on behalf of the government and by the people. And the practical implementation is way below average.
In Nepali society, marriage is seen as compulsory for women. This needs to change. When a woman gets married she has many responsibilities in her husband's home. We know what expectations come along with marriage, the duty to beget children for the continuity of lineage. Children add more responsibilities and contribute a great deal in the priority shift at an early stage.
The priority changes after marriage for women. It’s a fact even the most career oriented women will have to acknowledge. Is it really her fault, her weakness that she cannot give desired continuity to the pursuit of her career goals? The deeply rooted traditions in Nepali society and broadly speaking, women psychology to put family over herself seems at blame for the priority shift. These are too complex units to uproot completely for a plausible solution.
A considerable step for all of us would be to be patient enough till the girl is actually self willing to get into a marital commitment. In case of Nepal, as we know marriage is not just personal but a social commitment as well, the girl should have the liberty to decide without external pressure.
Changes are slow and we have to bear with that. But it’s the initial step towards the change that matters a lot. So, let your daughters play on with equal freedom of choice till she is capable to decide for herself.